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Dear Michigan Road Campus Geese

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Dear Geese,

Have you ever seen Alfred Hitchcock’s critically acclaimed film, The Birds? Probably not because you’re too busy pooping on our track and walkway between buildings… And because you’re wild animals. However, if you had you would know exactly how demented and scary those little birds were, and how they completely overtook and ruined a town. See, with you, it’s kinda like that, except you’re worse than those birds. You are everywhere, poop everywhere and are generally terrifying.

I honestly don’t get what is so enticing about our campus to you? There is that super nice property with a ton of land right across the street. I mean that has to be a goose’s dream, right? Lots of yard and grass and trees? Maybe a pond or something? I don’t know but it has to be nicer than dodging kids on the concrete walkway.

Can you just hang on the lawn across Michigan Road? I would fully support that decision. You could live out your little goose lives undisturbed.

Basically you’re like that one girl in Mean Girls because you don’t even go here but here you are trying to be involved anyways. Honestly, If I were a goose I would’ve left a long time ago. You have nothing to gain here, except for unanimous hatred. That’s it.

Not so sincerely,
Devin Sasse- ISI Junior


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